Category: fuck cancer

Our good friend Pat passed away this morning. 

 Pat was a great guy.  We will miss him dearly.

Our thoughts and prayers are with Sue, Pat’s family and friends.

PS: FUCK CANCER

Barb and I completed a six day course on the Art of Living.

“A non-denominational, educational and humanitarian non-profit organization, The Art of Living Foundation’s  stated mission is to uplift society by strengthening the individual through programs that create a sense of belonging, restore human values, develop  life to its full potential, and encourage people from all backgrounds, religions, and cultural traditions to come together in celebration and service. According to the Foundation, it has programs in more than 140 countries around the world, and offers several courses to bring individuals knowledge and techniques to unlock their deepest potential and bring fullness to life.”

Barb’s niece Erin and her husband Mark are very involved in this organization. Barb and Erin were talking (or exchanging emails) and Erin suggested this program could help Barb with the issues she is dealing with in regards to her cancer treatment and other things going on in her life.  So we signed up for the 6 day “part 1”  course held at the Crown Plaza in Union City. Tuesday through Friday 7-10pm and Saturday and Sunday 9am-2pm. “bring a pillow, blanket and yoga mat”. Pillow and blanket are right up my alley but I wouldn’t know a yoga mat from a welcome mat.  So, ok, the course is a blend of breathing techniques, meditation, light yoga, and philosophy. All with the goal of making me a better person. Happy! I’m all for that!

One of  the main goals of the course is to teach  breathing techniques. The message is that the breath is the connection between the body and the mind. We spend our whole life breathing without giving  it much thought. True.   We would practice the techniques each day until we were able to do it at home without guidance.

Yoga.  Now, I must tell you, the class was about 21 people.  Other than one other lady, we were the oldest in the class.  One thing you don’t want to see is a 50 year old overweight Irishman trying to do yoga! Eighty percent of the yoga was good. Stretching, bending, breathing, relaxing.  When the teacher said to sit cross legged, put your hands behind your back, then touch your forehead to the floor, I laughed!  I looked around and most everyone was able to do it! AMAZING! There were a couple of other things that I struggled to do, but I did try everything. On Saturday and Sunday we had a full hour of Yoga! Imagine that. Jim Flaherty, yoga man!

I really like the discussion part of the program.  We talked about life, happiness, responsibility, service, duty. We also talked about “living in the present”.   Our minds are always working.  Thinking about things in the past or things in the future. More importantly, STRESSING about things in the past or things in the future. If we  can  teach ourselves to spend more time in the present, (live in the moment), then our lives will be better off. This really hit home for me. I am CONSTANTLY worrying about things that have happened, or things the I think will happen.  Its stupid if you think about it. The things in the past cannot be changed, so why bother? Worrying about thing in the future is even more stupid! Because chances are they won’t even happen! That goes back to what they say in church about “protecting us from all anxiety and useless worry”.

The first night we committed to some  “rules’  for the six days.  No caffeine. No Soda. No Meat. No Alcohol.  Cleansing the mind and body now  people!  Other than a slight caffeine headache the first day or so, I was ok. 

I also enjoyed meeting everyone in the class.  18 of the 21 folks there were of Indian persuasion. Over the six days we got to know everyone as a person. And they got to know us. We did group activities and exercises  where we learned about each other.  It was good. All good.

We even got lunch on the weekend. Kick ass vegetarian food. With Kate being a vegetarian most of her life, it wasn’t too difficult for us to move to a vegetarian diet.  I need to find out some of  those recipes because they were mmmmm-mmmmm good! 

Overall it was a good experience for me. Something I would have NEVER done if it weren’t for Barb. Thanks Honey!

Wanted to send out a (long over due)  good vibes  update. Its been almost two years since Barb got on the cancer roller coaster. For some reason I keep thinking that the ride would have been over by now, but its not.  At last posting (Sept ’08), Barb had just finished up her last treatment of Herceptin, and we were pretty much thinking we were done. We celebrated by hiking Half Dome in Yosemite! It looked like most of the “bad” was behind us. Things were looking up.  The next step in treatment was for her to take estrogen inhibitors (for 5 years). Without going into the how and why, taking these meds will reduce Barb’s risk of getting cancer again by 50%. Those are odds that you can’t pass up. That’s good!     But…..

Those darn estrogen inhibitors are bad. Very bad!  Barb’s oncologist started her on one, and the side effects were so bad that it was almost unbearable for her. I felt so sorry for her. It was so bad that at one point I couldn’t even give her a hug because it HURT to HUG!!   So Barb has spent the last months trying to find the right meds that work for her with minimal side effects.

NEWS FLASH!!! ( or should I say.. HOT FLASH!)   THERE ARE NONE!!! 

They all have side effects and they all take a toll. Suddenly, the girl who hiked Half Dome couldn’t make it up Mission Peak.  For the first time in this two year journey she was showing signs of being beaten down, and almost ready to give up on taking meds all together. Losing her job could not have come at a worse time. Right in the middle of a major med change, the effects were horrible and she was feeling as low as ever.  Thats when the layoff came. It sure didn’t help things.  Like Forrest Gump says; “thats all I have to say about that!”

But, dammit, no matter how far that girl is beaten down, she keeps getting back up! She is on the newest rounds of meds, and dealing with it. Good days and bad days. Bad days and good.  Headaches have been so bad that that her oncologist scheduled MRI and PET scans to make sure that the cancer had not metastasized to her brain!  See how it never ends!?!?!?  All those scary feelings and apprehensions come rushing back.  The MRI was at the place where they found the breast cancer two years ago.  The place where the doctor told Barb, ” you have cancer”. Just to be sitting in that office (waiting for Barb) was creepy. Crappy.  The good news is that the tests came back and Barb continues to be CANCER FREE!!   The bad news is that all the side effects remain.

Barb is also 99% complete with her breast reconstruction. What started with double mastectomy in July 07,  ends this month with “titty tats.”  Between then and now she has had a couple of out patient procedures. First to get a “tune-up” where the doctor “evened things out” so to speak. Barb most recently went in for “nipple reconstruction” where they amazingly created nipples out of thin air.  Not really, but almost!  Either way, She now has nipples. The last step is this weekend, when the plastic surgeon accompanies Barb to a local tattoo artist where she will get “areolas” tattooed around her new nipples.  Hence, the titty tats!

Just wanted to put this posting up to let you know that we are still on the roller coaster.  Most of you know what has been going on and have helped us through. We are blessed to have such wonderful daughters, family and friends. You continue to provide support in ways that friends and family do.  You ride the coaster with us, and most times make us forget we are even on it! For that we are forever grateful.    GOOD VIBES!!!!

A milestone of sorts today. Barb receives her last dose of Herceptin this afternoon.

HOORAY!!! YIPEE!!! THANK GOD!!!  

She started receiving Herceptin as part of her chemo regimin a year ago this Saturday.  Even after she finished chemo she still had to go back every three weeks for a Herceptin drip. Every three weeks for the last year she received an IV bag full of Herceptin goodness into her chemo port.  Herceptin comes with a full load of side affects. One of which is shortness of breath, which has greatly affected her Half Dome training.  It hasn’t stopped her though, only made her stronger!  Needless to say, we are both happy to put this part of our lives behind us.

GOOD VIBES!!!!

“No deleterious mutation was found in BRCA1 or BRCA2 in this individual”

Music to our ears!  As part of Barb’s breast cancer treatment it was suggested that she undergo genetic testing to see if she carries the “breast cancer gene”. This new test is state of the art. She is a candidate for genetic testing since her mom had breast cancer and Barb had breast cancer previously. She submitted a blood sample a couple of weeks ago. She got the results when she went for her Herceptin drip today.  After explaining that the “test is designed to identify mutations in 22 exons and approx 750 adjacent intronic base pairs of BRCA1 as well as 26 exons and approx 950 adjacent base pairs or BRCA2 (a total of over 17,600 base pairs analyzed), The second to last sentence says it all:

“This result rules out the majority of abnormalities believed to be responsible for hereditary susceptibility to breast and ovarian cancer.”

That is great news, HUGE NEWS!!  Not only for Barb, but for Kelly and Kate as well. And also for Barb’s sisters and mom.

WHEW!

sigh!

It was a year ago that we found out about Barb’s breast cancer. Two days before summer 2007 Tahoe trip. Barb was following through with another suspicious lump in her breast. She had already had a mammogram and was advised to get ultra-sound biopsy. The next day after the biopsy, the Dr. called Barb at work and  told her to come to the office, “and please bring your husband”. UGH!!  Barb calls me at home and we agree to meet at the Dr. office.  A thousand questions.  Hundreds of scenarios go through my mind.  The doctor said that there was no doubt. Stage 2 cancer,  IDC – invasive ductile carcinoma.  The diagnosis spurns a flurry of craziness. Not only the darkest thoughts in your mind, but in reality as well. Appointments need to be made. Scheduling of tests that need to be taken. Surgery. Oncologists. Double mastectomy. Breast reconstruction.  Chemotherapy. Hormone therapy.  Is this really happenning to us?!?

Oh, wait, we have a weeks vacation in Tahoe starting day after tomorrow! . Rooms booked. Plans made, friends coming in from far and wide. Good times to be had. And, oh yea, Barb has cancer.

We arrived in Tahoe two days later. In Shock. Trying our best to deal with the  news.  We didn’t know if this would be our last Tahoe vacation as a family. We didn’t know how good, how bad the situation was. All we knew was IDC and that the year ahead would be a difficult one.  Remember, Barb had just had a spinal fusion the previous December. She had been back to work only two months when we were hit with this. We took things one day at a time during her fusion recovery, and decided the best way to handle things moving forward would be to take things one day at a time again.

In a way, the vacation (and the cancer news)  couldn’t have come at a better time. We shared the news with friends and family, and were surrounded by all of them during our vacation. We knew that the road ahead would be a bumpy one, but with the grace of God, our loving family, our good friends, and good vibes, we would survive.

All the while in Tahoe last year, we said (and I thought) that whatever Barb goes through, and we go through with her, that we will all get through it together, and we will be back in Tahoe for 4th of July in 2008 to celebrate. We knew that if we could get back to Tahoe for 4th of July 2008, that most everything would be behind us.

Well, WE MADE IT. The last year has been rough, but we made it!  Barb still has some stuff going related to her surgery and side effects from all the meds she is on, but overall she is doing great. WE MADE IT!

Today is  a milestone of sorts for Barb. For us. Barb woke up this morning without having to worry about upcoming chemo side effects.  Barb started chemo in September and had 6 sessions, every three weeks. She had her 6th and final chemo session on 12/26.  Yesterday would have been three weeks and chemo day, but it wasn’t. YAY!  So starting today, Barb will finally be able to get beyond the chemo clouds.  We are already off the chemo diet of pancakes and spumoni and back on track with healthy eating.  Barb even hit the treadmill twice this week.

She has her final  (we hope)  breast reconstruction “tune-up” outpatient surgery next Tuesday and plans on returning to work on Feb 1st.

We still had to go to the oncologist yesterday. She will continue targeted hormone therapy for another 8 months. The Herceptin drip. The herceptin does have some side effects but they are minimal compared to the monster chemo. She is also on some hormone blockers that she will take for the next 5 years.

Her hair is growing back too.

Like I said, onward and upward!

You go Barb!

I’m glad its January!  If there were ever a year that we’d like to put  behind us its 2007.  When we were in Tahoe in July, when we had just found out what was ahead, I figured if we could make it to January, we’d be ok.

So here we are, and we’re ok. 

Was on vacation the last couple of weeks and really pretty much just ate my way through to the new year.  I’ve been riding the “chemo comfort food diet” wave and loving every minute of it!  The last two weeks consisted of………..

home made cappuccinos, way too many!  Jack and diet, way too many!!  Lemon bars.  Home made and not too bad.  Oatmeal cookies, ditto.  Spumoni ice cream. I think it cures cancer. Chocolate chip cookies, made for Santa but I had a couple.  Pounds of fudge.  Home made and way too good!  Prime rib dinner, twice!  Toto’s pizza,  chocolate turtles. Throw in the steel cut oatmeal, chicken tacos, pasta and sausages, tuna salad sandwiches and you can see why I’m glad the holidays (and chemo) are over and we can go back to a somewhat more healthy diet.

A week  after Barb’s last chemo treatment and she is finally starting to come out of the fog. We were able to go for a nice walk on the creek trail yesterday.  Goodbye October, hello November!  Only one session this month, on the 14th,  then two in December. 

Barb’s oncologist is the best. Dr David Cheng, a Stanford grad, shows real compassion and concern for Barb. Any little side effect or concern is a concern for him too.  We are glad that he is our doctor.  Here is a camphone pic that Vicky V. took of Barb and Dr. Cheng, during her last session.   GOOD VIBES.